The universe blames me

Michael Karam

the universe blames me if I love him 
as if I created love and invented it 
as if I had drawn it on the cheeks of roses 
as if I were the one who 
had taught it to the birds in the sky 
and planted it in wheat fields 
and stirred it in seawater 
as if I am the one who
had hung it 
like the moon in the sky 
the universe blames me if 
I name who I love or mention him 
as if I were passion 
and its mother and its sister 
this passion that arrived 
from where I hadn’t been expecting 
different than all I had known 
different than all I had read 
and all I had heard 
had I known that it was a 
type of addiction I wouldn’t have taken it 
had I known that it was 
a windy door I wouldn’t have opened it 
had I known that it was 
a matchstick I wouldn’t have lit it 
this passion is the most violent love I’ve lived 
I wish when he came to me
arms wide open I had turned him away 
I wish that before he killed me I had killed him 
this passion I see in the dark 
on my curtains
I see it in my dress 
and in my perfume and in my bracelets 
I see it drawn on the faces of my palms
I see it carved on my feelings 
had they told me that he was
a loud and playful child I wouldn’t have let him in 
had they told me he would break my glass heart I wouldn’t have let him 
had they told me 
he’d set a fire in minutes 
and he’d make a mess in minutes 
and he’d dye the walls red and blue in minutes
I would have expelled him 
dearest precious who 
got god to pardon me if I loved him 
this passion is the most beautiful love I’ve lived
the greatest love I’ve lived 
I wish when he came to me visiting
I had surrounded him with roses 
And I wish when he came to me crying
I had opened my doors and kissed him